Yesterday I turned 38. Not the best number in the age book, not the worst number by a long shot.
I couldn't sleep yesterday morning. Elliot had woken with a bad dream around 4am and when I brought him into our big bed to fall back asleep (which happens more than I care to admit these days), he asked me for some water and I dragged myself to the kitchen to fill a glass for him. By the time I returned to the bed, he was back to sleep and I lay down next to him and proceeded to stare at the ceiling for an hour and a half. I could not fall back asleep for the life of me. I had plenty of time to ruminate on the insult and injury of getting older. At 5:30 I couldn't stand it anymore and decided to go for a long Elizabeth Bennett-style walk on the moors.... which in my crowded San Diego neighborhood means a long walk through the neighborhood listening to the mockingbirds calling to each other on every telephone wire while the morning marine layer of clouds slowly burns away.
My Grandpa (my Dad's Dad) has a host of physical ailments and has suffered from diabetes and numerous other illnesses for many years. But when you ask him how he's doing he always responds in that same South Chicago, near-deaf therefore too-loud voice that he's had for years: "CAN'T COMPLAIN!!!!". Even though I know he must have a world of things to complain about.
Usually I'm of that same mind when people ask me how I'm doing. No problem! No worries! I'm doing great, thanks! The problem with that optimism is that then I don't know who to actually complain to. So I'm lodging a mild complaint to you, dear Internet. I don't like the inexplicable muscle aches in the early morning, I don't like the encroaching gray in my hair (luckily hidden by the blonde for a few more years, I hope), and I certainly don't like the feeling that I'm fast approaching the downhill slope of my life span. I guess this is the start of my mid-life crisis? and that means I've reached my mid-life already!!! Holy smokes. And I must admit that I don't like knowing that because yesterday was my birthday, in exactly one week my oldest son will also be turning one year older. Can I really have an almost 7 year-old?
Obviously I have a lot to like about I my life, and believe me, I know it. But sometimes, just some days, or even just some moments I think it should be OK to complain a little.
Whew. Done. Now back to the regularly scheduled blog.
9 comments:
Oh Sweetie, you are FAR from being in your mid-life! And you can always kvetch and complain to your mother, who has a willing ear and a warm hug for you. You were just grumpy and exhausted. I get grumpy too when I have to let the pups out in the middle of the night, and can't fall back to sleep. Just think of things this way - you are in the first 1/3 of your life, with many, many more years of wonderfulness ahead of you!!!
Hope it turned out to be a happy day after all! Birthday blessings to you!
Mom
Oh, dear wife! You're only getting better with each year. I keep telling you...
Paul
Happy Birthday, Lisel!
I love your description of your mid-life feelings and the Elizabeth Bennett-style walk. And your 38 years have had wonderful results, so here's to many, many more!
Dear Lisel, Your 38 years can worn as a medal of honor and growing into maturity with grace. We love you for loving your husband and children and we love you just for who you are. I believe that God loves you too. May you look forward to many more wonderful years. Happy Birthday again. GG
Lisel, the first thing that entered my head as I read your post is that I had Julie when I was 38. Everyone told me that she would keep me young! :-) :-) So I guess if your want a recipe for staying young you have another child at 38! You are in the prime of life. Enjoy every second! What a sweet post, Paul. You are an encourager!! We love you Lisel!
Aunt Carol
Lisel, it's nice to hear that you are normal. Normal people do complain every once and a while and it doesn't make them any less of an optimist, nor does it turn them into pessimists. Of course you have an amazing life, and of course you have so much to be grateful and thankful for. But, I do totally understand what you are talking about (trust me, I've been there too!) and am grateful you actually let us in under that perfect image for half a second. Love you! Kirst
We're still just young things my dear! (Says the woman who's got 2 years on you...) But I remember hearing that it's healthy to moan a bit to release that icky stuff, rather than holding it in.
Smooches and happy belated bday! xo ht
Happpy Belated Birthday Lisel. I turn 64 in September and at this point it is just another year. I found turning 30 difficult, 50 lots of fun and on my 60th, which I could barely stand the thought of, I told Hack I had to be out of the country. So we went to Germany that year. Now almost every year I am out of the country and it has become a celebration. I understand your doldrums on turning 38. It's rather an odd year....starting to feel the years are going too quickly, but not exactly old. I'm sure when I turn 70 I will be screaming to the heavens that I need more time to travel. However I know that will be up to me as I try to keep my body in shape. There are emotions at any age. Thank goodness we can express them. Love, Aunt Joan
Lisel, you are in the prime of life!!! Enjoy every second! You don't look old, you don't act old, and besides that you are right down beautiful!
Aunt Carol
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