I feel a little bit like I'm awakening from a slumber, or I'm emerging from some sort of child-rearing cocoon.....
First, a little background: I've been dancing since I was 5. I took 15 years of hard-core ballet, several years of modern, tap, jazz, even a little hip-hop at one point. I did the Nutcracker every year when I was a kid. By the time I was about 14 or 15 I realized I was never going to be a professional ballerina. I was too big, too klutzy, and way too tall. But I kept dancing anyway. By the time I was in high school I realized Acting was my true passion... but I kept taking dance classes. I got my BFA in Acting... but I kept taking dance classes. Then I moved to Chicago to hone my craft on the stages there, and I found myself letting go of my dancer self.
Career, marriage, kids, child-rearing. Fast forward to this past Monday morning when I found myself standing in my leotard in front of the wall of mirrors explaining to the teacher how I have 20-plus years of dance background, but it's been over 10 years since I've danced regularly. Has it really been that long? Yes, it has.
I'm definitely out of practice, and this week my muscles continually chastised me for my neglect, but right now in this moment I'm also feeling the kernels of something truly wonderful. I'm remembering who I used to be, appreciating where I am now, and loving the potential of me again.
I have this odd sense lately that I'm re-awakening to a part of my identity that has been dormant. I was someone with interests, abilities, skills, and desires before I had kids, and I always balked at the idea that having kids changes you fundamentally. Of course, it doesn't change you really, it necessarily re-prioritizes your Self and re-channels your energy. But once the requirements of those early childhood years start to recede, what do you do with the person you once were?
First, a little background: I've been dancing since I was 5. I took 15 years of hard-core ballet, several years of modern, tap, jazz, even a little hip-hop at one point. I did the Nutcracker every year when I was a kid. By the time I was about 14 or 15 I realized I was never going to be a professional ballerina. I was too big, too klutzy, and way too tall. But I kept dancing anyway. By the time I was in high school I realized Acting was my true passion... but I kept taking dance classes. I got my BFA in Acting... but I kept taking dance classes. Then I moved to Chicago to hone my craft on the stages there, and I found myself letting go of my dancer self.
Career, marriage, kids, child-rearing. Fast forward to this past Monday morning when I found myself standing in my leotard in front of the wall of mirrors explaining to the teacher how I have 20-plus years of dance background, but it's been over 10 years since I've danced regularly. Has it really been that long? Yes, it has.
I'm definitely out of practice, and this week my muscles continually chastised me for my neglect, but right now in this moment I'm also feeling the kernels of something truly wonderful. I'm remembering who I used to be, appreciating where I am now, and loving the potential of me again.
I have this odd sense lately that I'm re-awakening to a part of my identity that has been dormant. I was someone with interests, abilities, skills, and desires before I had kids, and I always balked at the idea that having kids changes you fundamentally. Of course, it doesn't change you really, it necessarily re-prioritizes your Self and re-channels your energy. But once the requirements of those early childhood years start to recede, what do you do with the person you once were?
Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm an actor, writer, dancer (yes, dancer! it feels so good to say that!) and a mother of two fantastically inspiring kids, and a wife of someone who loves me for all of those interests, abilities, skills and desires that brought me to where I am right now.
8 comments:
Loved reading that, Lisel. Motherhood is life changing in so many amazing ways.
Beautiful! And inspiring. It is so easy to let go of who you used to be once you become someone's wife and someone's mother. Good for you for reclaiming yourself. And for never completely abadoning your creative self.
Wonderfully written, Lisel! As someone who attended as many of your dance concerts as possible (all when you were in school), I'm so glad you've chosen to return to something that inspired you so much as a youngster. Despite being tall, you are NOT klutzy. You have always had grace and talent, and I hope you see that when you look in the mirror. Love you, honey, and all your divinely inspired skills!
nana Liana
Beautifully written, Lisel. You remind me of Anne Morrow Lindbergh's "Gift from the Sea" written in the fifties. Still timely. I recommend it to you, if you haven't read it. And I remember your visiting NYC over twenty-five years ago and breaking away to take a dance class. That impressed me then and still does now.
So wonderful that you are getting back into dance. That is on my to do list! But for me it's been almost 20 years that since I've danced regularly. But I am doing other things lately that are allowing me to feel that similar re-awakening after the past 3.5 years of baby talk and diapers. Would love to have a play date with our little ones, I think they're about the same age. So glad I that I now know you have a blog! :-)
This was the exact thing I needed to read this morning... thank you.
You are as far from klutzy as you can can get! I think of you as very graceful! I can see you as a great dancer! Who knows what all will show up in talents yet. If I even had a quarter of your talent I think I'd get proud! :-)
Aunt Carol
Well, Lisel, I have never thought of you as "too big, too klutzy, or too tall". You are graceful and gracious and while I knew you had some dance background, I had no idea how much. You are amazing and we love you. GG
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